Feeling full of life and grateful for the freedom I have gained by setting down my attempts to control using. I have had the opportunity to talk to a few people on tumblr, and many people in the rooms, who are just making the decision to surrender. I want you to know that I remember that moment very clearly. I’ve chosen to replay it regularly so I will never forget how much fear and relief I felt at the same time. Then the wave of shame came over me.
How could I let myself become like my father, who I was so ANGRY at for all the drinking he had done when I was a child?!
Well, my Higher Power has a strange sense of humor. It was through attraction, rather than promotion, that I came into the rooms. My father got clean 2 years before me. I saw real change. So when I fell to my knees crying (literally) I knew what would work, because I saw it working in someones life who I NEVER believed could change.
And now I am extremely proud to say that I am like my father. Today I get to talk about service work with him. I get to respect his program and I get to understand and have compassion for his struggles. I get to have a parent who fully understands and supports my recovery. It’s an absolute gift.
Falling to my knees and admitting I was like him was a very, very good decision.
Today, I’m grateful that I chose to hand my addiction over that night. And I plan to gratefully hand it over again tomorrow, as I do every day.
Thank you for surrendering too, whoever you are, and wherever you may be. If you are doing it too, we are in this together, and we cannot do it alone.