I WILL survive today.

I WILL survive the first trimester of this pregnancy.

(even if it feels like I won’t)

Sometimes the best we can do is be brave and move forward, even if we feel lonely, even if we are tired of being brave.

Gala Mukomolov, The Hairpin’s October Horoscopes from Galactic Rabbit (via coffeeslut)

One struggle I feel like I have with social media, in general, is that if I bare my soul, and post about something that is important to me, it’s often ignored or acknowledged by the few.

When I post about pumpkin spice lattes, or something funny my kid says, over 50 people join the conversation.

I love social media, but at times it feels so inauthentic.

Real relationships are so much better.

Anonymous

Hey I was wondering how much clean time you have and if you could share a bit of your story? :)

Hi! Thanks for your curiosity. I have about 7.5 years clean; my clean date is 4/23/07. I was raised in an alcoholic family, and my dad got clean two years before I did. He’s continues to be an active AA member, for which I am grateful.

The first time I drank, it was to try to get up the courage to have sex with my boyfriend (before I was ready). I got sick for two says but thankfully, didn’t have sex. I used to avoid my feelings. My drug of choice was marijuana. YES, you heard that right :) My using became a problem when I started to LIVE to use. I justified my use because I felt I deserved it because I worked hard. And after all, I wasn’t a drunk like my dad, right? Wrong.

When I got clean, it was due to a simple spiritual awakening. I fell to my knees, crying. I realized that my relationship with drugs was the same as my father’s with booze, and he had drank for 40 years. I didn’t want to put my my future children through what I went through.

After about 7 months, I found my way to NA. I felt so welcomed and at peace. No one EVER questioned my presence in the fellowship. I related to everyone, on a deep level. The emptiness I felt was the same, whether we used weed, booze, pills, dope, or all of them. In NA, there’s a reading that states, “it doesn’t matter what or how much you used, who your connections were, how much or how little you have, but only in what you want to do about your problem and how we can help”. I found this to be very true. I have the disease of addiction. Period.

I’ve built a beautiful life. I married when I had four months clean (we were already engaged). My husband is a normie, but has family in recovery, and really understands. I’m very blessed. We have a beautiful daughter and I just found out I’m pregnant with our second. I have a career that is beautiful, and demanding. I only manage it because of the tools I’ve developed in NA.

I hope this answers your question. I’m absolutely open to more. Much love.

JFT 10/15

I love this passage from Just for Today this morning:

"We didn’t choose to become addicts, and we cannot choose to stop being addicts. We have the disease of addiction. We are not responsible for having it, but we are responsible for our recovery. Having learned that we are sick people and that there is a way of recovery, we can move away from blaming circumstances—or ourselves—and into living the solution. We didn’t choose addiction, but we can choose recovery."

Today, I choose recovery.

Good morning! Have a great day!